I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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