Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
