i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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