Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
