Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
