why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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