We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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