my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
