Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
