Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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