I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
