At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
ttyl tear gas
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
