he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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