god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just saw a hot homeless man
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
