If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
