My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
