Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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