That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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