I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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