Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
