i was born a porn star she said
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
