Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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