New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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