Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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