Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
