Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
