she was so not down for the gang bang
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
