I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
