I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
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Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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