dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
