Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize