I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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