That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
