who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
