We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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