Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
