I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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