party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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