Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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