Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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