Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
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