I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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