return my video game
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
