the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
