She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
