every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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