this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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