Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
