I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
