I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
