You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize