the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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