We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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