wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
