Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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