I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
