Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
