called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
