why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
