I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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