This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
