I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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