Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
